When Rory and Kathleen were little, Halloween was an enormous treat for the whole family-it was a break from the school schedule, a time to be with neighborhood friends, and a moment to look into my children’s eyes and see all the merriment. It was pure pleasure.

Now, my heart is more fragile at Halloween, all my memories of good old times poke at the tender spots.

Our world stopped in 2012 when Rory died, and of course, the rest of the world went on living. As much as we wanted to stay in the old world, it wasn’t possible. Very slowly we’ve tried to move on in a different world. Not a bad world, but a world where we know that we cannot prevent bad things from happening to little children; our world now deals in deep reality.

In this new world we spend some time thinking about the mystical elements of Halloween, it’s said to be the time of year when you can get closer to those who have gone ahead to the other side. For us, living through the beauty of this season, a breakthrough memory will appear, and we see him, Rory, as he was, in full splendor, smiling, engaging and alive.

Truthfully, we still look for him everywhere.